Day 4 - stopping myself within dreams, redirecting myself with living

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become obsessed with dreams, and to participate in being around things I want, instead of earthing myself within what's here at my home, where I require taking self responsibility for my relationships, and myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus lose myself within my process, and to have lost myself within the idea of money, big houses, fancy things, and to not have taken self responsibility for myself within what was at my home, because I have used this point of "dreaming", out of escaping my relationships to people within the context of how I actually relate myself to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus become "happy" out of thinking that I am in the position of making lots of money, instead of breathing, and going back to the points I was utilizing within myself before hand, which was the point of anger, and how I relate myself to others within anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus become possessed by this idea of money, and not earth myself back here, within the point of taking practical self responsibility for the points I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from already.

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that I must stop playing with these ideas, and start living within what I'm supposed to be doing, which is taking self responsibility for my home, for my relationships, and to start doing what's best for my process, which is to focus on these relationships slowly, and effectively, and not living in this idea that I am going to attain a bunch of money, but rather focusing on the points that I've laid out in my blogs.

I commit myself to stop participating in these energetic participations, and start taking care of myself within what's best, which is to remain stable, here, and within the point of focusing on my process, within the principles of what is best for all, and to understand that I cannot stand fully with an equal money system, if I cannot fully stand within recreating myself.

I commit myself to thus clean my house, go study, take a shower, play with my dog, and go to sleep, and to continue tomorrow focusing on self, how I'm experiencing myself, and to not further lose myself in "dreams", and start directing myself in LIFE.

Day 3 - venting, within knowing that I'm setting myself up for failure

So I'm going to practice and see where venting reactions come up within me in this post.

So I was in the sauna, and felt really good. I met a guy in there who was cool, and we small talked about how the sauna felt. When I got out, I immediately reacted in wanting to share my experience on Facebook.

So within this, a couple of reactions came up - the thought of destonians talking to me verifying that I made this post. The thought of destonians verifying that I just said this sentence. So within this I see that I have the expectation of venting through what I'm sharing. I have the expectation of a specific person or group of people reacting within what I'm saying/sharing.

So when I shared the post, a couple of reactions came up - "I hope people like my posts", "wait this wasn't the right thing to share, shit I'm exposed, people know that I am just sharing to portray an image of being someone apart of desteni, good looking, healthy, fun, friendly."

So, it seems that there's a little idea in my mind, that I have to share what I'm experiencing all the time. Why can't I just share what I'm LIVING.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only share what I'm experiencing on Facebook, in order to get verification of my experience, instead of sharing what I'm LIVING. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within wanting others to verify my ideas of myself, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live and take self responsibility for myself, within what I know I need and must do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself that im standing for a cause, when not seeing and realizing that I am not fully standing, until I prove to MYSELF that I'm standing, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to portray to other people that I'm living for a cause, because I am unwilling to be alone, I'm afraid of seeing what might happen if I just start focusing on the real issues in this world, and the real things that I could actually enjoy in this lifetime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus think that people are going to judge me within me trying to portray a certain image of myself, because I know that within myself, I am just trying to portray a certain image. And it's funny, because I'll expect likes, and then I'm afraid I won't get them usually when I am becoming quickly aware that I'm sharing "bullshit events", because I understand that I have created a consequence within my existence within myself, which is the creation of wanting to hide from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus hide from myself, because I see that there's real shit in front of me, and that every time I do take self responsibility, and then try to hide, I mind fuck myself into thinking that I am not takin self responsibility, because I am only verifying through sharing posts on Facebook that I am not taking self responsibility, through trying to portray a certain image.

Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel exposed, and then create defiance within myself to not face myself for real. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize, HAHAHAHA, I can easily just stop participating in all of this bullshit, let go of the ego, and just start living and creating, I mean shouldn't it be something to appreciate within myself that I can just start taking self responsibility for my fears, my creation.

So within all of this, I commit myself to go back to the one post a day commitment, but within this, I commit myself to really focus on myself before posting something, like, maybe I can start posting pictures of flowers, or my dog, or my family. Within this, I see and realize that the point of sharing, is to allow others to see what is supportive, and to allow others to see what this world needs to be - what's best for all. So within this, I see and realize that writing self forgiveness, and self corrective statements, and sharing posts, is something to work up to as a commitment for what's best for all, for my 7 year journey to life process.

Day 2 - living in the idea that my mind is justified part 2

When and as I see myself going into fear of facing myself, I stop, I breath, and I understand within this point, that it must learn to utilize practically my relationship with my environment, in order to be self honest, and in order to see where I stand in place of my relationships, within this point, being sharing blogs, blogs, pictures.

I commit myself to further focus on this point for the rest of the week, and to see how I relate to sharing posts on Facebook.

I see  and realize, that I have been deciding myself within this lifetime, through doing things that have prevented me from facing myself. Within this, I commit myself to stand as life, and to practically do a step by step process of facing myself, and to know there is always solutions, and that all it takes, is seeing what has been fucked up in this world, and how I exist within myself in relationship to that. Within this, I commit myself to walk a 7 year journey to life process, and to face my consequences, within also aspiring to do better, and aspiring to put myself in a position where I can support and equal money system.

I see and realize, that I have used media outlets as a scapegoat, but also have used many things as scapegoats. Within this, I see that I don't have to stop participating in my life, but practically use these participation in a way that is best for all, and what's enjoyable for myself, and to discover, challenge, and learn what's better to express myself within these outlets, that support myself and others.

When and as I see myself dwelling and playing the victim character when reactions come, and when I see myself in a situation of facing my reactions, I stop, I breath, and I practically direct the point, by what's here, and seeing all opportunities to be supportive for for what's best for all.

I see and realize that I inevitably have portrayed myself towards other people, and that within this, I have used this point to try and create money in others expense, which is really my expense, because imam equal to others, and within this, I commit myself to stand for life, and to stand in self responsibility, and to do what I have to do, to change myself within this world into a place that's best for all.

Day 1 - living in the idea that my mind is justified

So I have usually lived within the idea, that my mind is justified, and within this. I have isolated myself from other people, my environment, and have noticed that when I try to talk and get out there, and try to experience confidence within myself, it's usually a confidence that I have used to suppress the reality that I have separated myself from this world. I have used confidence, as an access point to abuse, because really, this confidence point I've existed within and as myself, has been a point that I have used to confidently abuse, confidently be outrageous towards other people, and confidently give into the shit that has been accepted and allowed within myself, to define myself within the point of who I am, which has been only my mind, and only the idea that I am better than everyone else, and that this is somehow justified.

So within all of this, I have created many patterns that I've used to limit myself from being able to see myself within what I've accepted and allowed as abusive, and what I've accepted and allowed to use to justify me facing myself in this reality.

So what have I justified within my own mind to prevent myself from facing myself for real? I have lived within this idea, that when I see my circumstances being tested against me, I go ahead and blame those circumstance, and I do this in order to not see myself for real, within the point that it is my circumstances fault, for my reactions. Within this, I go into the point of protecting myself from facing myself, I go into the ideas and the thoughts of wanting others to see me be successful, and within this, I see that I experience rage, and I experience anger within myself.

So within this anger, I see and realize that I have always put on a show, and so I defend that show, and instead of facing myself in the responsibilities that I know I have to face myself in, I rather defend the reasoning for my behavior, and so I continue the behavior, instead of looking at all aspects of the behavior, and seeing where I can utilize myself in relationship to what I've already manifested within my behavior. So within this, I see and realize that the point to give up, is the point of self sabotage, and to give up the point of what I've dictated myself as within and as my own ego.

So within this, I can reflect, and see where I require making changes first hand, which is within the point of "making posts on Facebook to feed my ego".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself within my own mind, through pretending that I'm supporting myself with sharing tons of pictures, explanations of those pictures, vlogs, and blogs, within wanting to suppress myself from facing my own environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other people within my environment, and to want to hide in fear of spot seeing, that I am the primary cause of my experience, and within this, I see within this point, that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate triggers and reactions of the fear of facing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus go into mind energy, and to go into resistance, to facing myself within my environment, and within this point of blaming others for my own accepted and allowed points of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for the reactions I'm facing within myself, but to rather feed the mind within not letting go of this point, of "sharing posts on Facebook for the egos attention".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to share posts on Facebook, for the intention on receiving likes, and attention for false purposes, such as only wanting to receive attention for points that are actually irrelevant to what I'm actually supposed to be facing, which is just simply what's here in my environment, and to just let go of doing all of these posts, and let go of the fact that I had done this. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry with myself, and to access this anger, instead of focusing on the practicality of the situation, which is - I have manipulated and deceived myself into thinking I'm a good person, and so I have always lived this, and have abused others, including myself, in the process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to thus make process only more difficult for myself within facing myself, by using all of these outlets on the internet, and applying myself in conversations about things I haven't even applied within my own life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to therefor justify my own mind, by using media outlets, and by justifying the anger and rage, within posting myself on Facebook, and within sharing myself under the idea that I'm a good person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use other people, as points to justify myself, in relationship to my environment, and to use people in order to not face myself within my environment. Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself, to thus let all of this go, and just start taking self responsibility, within thus setting boundaries within what I share, or say to people. Within this, I see and realize that there is a solution to facing myself, and that solutions, are the point to focus on while facing myself, in seeing that I can create myself in actually being able to face myself, instead of dwelling on the fact of what I did.

I forgive myself therefor for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry, and exposed, within seeing that I have used people, and that I have portrayed myself towards people, in order to try and get them to see that I'm somehow a "good person". Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make this out to be way bigger than what it really is, as if I am "a failure, a bad person".

I commit myself to thus set up some boundaries with sharing posts on Facebook.

I commit myself to only share one blog a day on Facebook, within this also sharing the blogs on all desteni blog forums, including the website.

I commit myself to only share a vlog, when I have seen a point within myself, and within this I commit myself to share that vlog once a day on my youtube account.

I commit myself to only share one thing on my wall on Facebook per day.

Further SCS will continue.