Saturday, November 14, 2015

Day 1 - living in the idea that my mind is justified

So I have usually lived within the idea, that my mind is justified, and within this. I have isolated myself from other people, my environment, and have noticed that when I try to talk and get out there, and try to experience confidence within myself, it's usually a confidence that I have used to suppress the reality that I have separated myself from this world. I have used confidence, as an access point to abuse, because really, this confidence point I've existed within and as myself, has been a point that I have used to confidently abuse, confidently be outrageous towards other people, and confidently give into the shit that has been accepted and allowed within myself, to define myself within the point of who I am, which has been only my mind, and only the idea that I am better than everyone else, and that this is somehow justified.

So within all of this, I have created many patterns that I've used to limit myself from being able to see myself within what I've accepted and allowed as abusive, and what I've accepted and allowed to use to justify me facing myself in this reality.

So what have I justified within my own mind to prevent myself from facing myself for real? I have lived within this idea, that when I see my circumstances being tested against me, I go ahead and blame those circumstance, and I do this in order to not see myself for real, within the point that it is my circumstances fault, for my reactions. Within this, I go into the point of protecting myself from facing myself, I go into the ideas and the thoughts of wanting others to see me be successful, and within this, I see that I experience rage, and I experience anger within myself.

So within this anger, I see and realize that I have always put on a show, and so I defend that show, and instead of facing myself in the responsibilities that I know I have to face myself in, I rather defend the reasoning for my behavior, and so I continue the behavior, instead of looking at all aspects of the behavior, and seeing where I can utilize myself in relationship to what I've already manifested within my behavior. So within this, I see and realize that the point to give up, is the point of self sabotage, and to give up the point of what I've dictated myself as within and as my own ego.

So within this, I can reflect, and see where I require making changes first hand, which is within the point of "making posts on Facebook to feed my ego".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself within my own mind, through pretending that I'm supporting myself with sharing tons of pictures, explanations of those pictures, vlogs, and blogs, within wanting to suppress myself from facing my own environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other people within my environment, and to want to hide in fear of spot seeing, that I am the primary cause of my experience, and within this, I see within this point, that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate triggers and reactions of the fear of facing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus go into mind energy, and to go into resistance, to facing myself within my environment, and within this point of blaming others for my own accepted and allowed points of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for the reactions I'm facing within myself, but to rather feed the mind within not letting go of this point, of "sharing posts on Facebook for the egos attention".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to share posts on Facebook, for the intention on receiving likes, and attention for false purposes, such as only wanting to receive attention for points that are actually irrelevant to what I'm actually supposed to be facing, which is just simply what's here in my environment, and to just let go of doing all of these posts, and let go of the fact that I had done this. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry with myself, and to access this anger, instead of focusing on the practicality of the situation, which is - I have manipulated and deceived myself into thinking I'm a good person, and so I have always lived this, and have abused others, including myself, in the process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to thus make process only more difficult for myself within facing myself, by using all of these outlets on the internet, and applying myself in conversations about things I haven't even applied within my own life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to therefor justify my own mind, by using media outlets, and by justifying the anger and rage, within posting myself on Facebook, and within sharing myself under the idea that I'm a good person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use other people, as points to justify myself, in relationship to my environment, and to use people in order to not face myself within my environment. Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself, to thus let all of this go, and just start taking self responsibility, within thus setting boundaries within what I share, or say to people. Within this, I see and realize that there is a solution to facing myself, and that solutions, are the point to focus on while facing myself, in seeing that I can create myself in actually being able to face myself, instead of dwelling on the fact of what I did.

I forgive myself therefor for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry, and exposed, within seeing that I have used people, and that I have portrayed myself towards people, in order to try and get them to see that I'm somehow a "good person". Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make this out to be way bigger than what it really is, as if I am "a failure, a bad person".

I commit myself to thus set up some boundaries with sharing posts on Facebook.

I commit myself to only share one blog a day on Facebook, within this also sharing the blogs on all desteni blog forums, including the website.

I commit myself to only share a vlog, when I have seen a point within myself, and within this I commit myself to share that vlog once a day on my youtube account.

I commit myself to only share one thing on my wall on Facebook per day.

Further SCS will continue.


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